


Wings to Fly

by hanekawa



Category: Kamen Rider 555 (Faiz)
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-16
Updated: 2013-08-16
Packaged: 2017-12-23 16:31:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/928675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hanekawa/pseuds/hanekawa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Even when she was dead, she was still a failure.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wings to Fly

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: very minor spoiler for ep. 17, 37 and 44.

 

*

She wanted to fly.

Every time Yuka looked at the sky, that was the only thing that ever crossed her mind. She wanted to fly, just like those birds, spreading her wings wide and soaring up to the sky with no boundaries over her, defying gravity.

Free.

If she could fly, she would be free, and perhaps she finally could taste some freedom, where she could be anything she wanted to be, with no ties whatsoever.

She thought if only she had a couple of wings, perhaps she would finally be able to fly. Just like those birds. They were able to fly because they had wings, right? So she wished to have wings. How a mere human could have wings, she didn’t think. It was just a child’s logic, if you have wings, then you could fly.

Yuka never thought it wasn’t that easy.

*

“He’s a human.” Yuka said hesitantly, looking anywhere but him.

“We’re all _human_.” Takumi told her, emphasizing the last word.

“You know what I mean,”

“No, I don’t.” he said harshly, looking at her exasperatedly. “Look, what’s your problem? Keitarou knows I’m an Orphenoch, and he accepts it just fine. What makes you think it would be different with you?”

Yuka didn’t answer.

*

Right now, she wasn’t a human anymore.

She was an Orphenoch.

She was a monster. She was a monster, and people ran away from her.

She didn’t feel lonely. Instead, she felt relieved, because now, people actually had a real reason to stay away from her—unlike before, when she was still a human and they keep getting away from her when they actually had no reason to, when she was just the same as the rest of them.

She had friends now. Friends who cared about her. Friends who shared the same fate as her.

She was really happy she had died and become an Orphenoch.

*

When the doors of the elevator opened, the first thing Yuka saw in the corridor was Takumi, who had his back pressed against the wall, being kissed fiercely by Yuji.

Even from such a distance, with her much improved sight thanks to her Orphenoch power, Yuka was able to make out the details of their features in the dim light of the corridor to their apartment. Like how Takumi shut his eyes tightly or how his cheeks seemed a little flushed or how his hands clutched the fabric of Yuji’s shirt sleeves just as tightly, as if didn’t want to let go. Yuka didn’t know why, but somehow, stripped off of his defenses like that, his expression open for the world to see, Takumi looked almost vulnerable in her eyes.

And Yuji, whose hands snaking around Takumi’s waist and on the small of his back, making Takumi lean into his arms just so, had his eyes wide open, like he was trying to take in every detail of the boy before him, and Yuka definitely didn’t miss the way Yuji looked at Takumi with such a soft and protective and almost disbelieving look, like the Wolf-Orphenoch boy was something precious to him, like he was everything that ever mattered in the world to him and he just couldn’t believe that he had him in his arms, like he was actually afraid that Takumi might just disappear into thin air any seconds and everything was just his imagination.

She didn’t step out of the elevator. They didn’t notice her. She didn’t feel her chest tighten, or her stomach flutter. She only felt empty, like somehow she actually had expected it all along, and the only thing she could do was to accept it.

Perhaps she had.

Yuka let the elevator closed on its own in front of her.

*

Yuka was an Orpnehoch, now.

A bird Orphenoch that had a couple of wings.

Wings that she could use to defend herself, to slander everything that tried to harm or threaten her.

She was a bird with wings.

She was happy, although one thing saddened her.

She was a bird with wings that couldn’t fly.

She couldn’t fly.

Even when she was dead, she was still a failure.

*

Her fingers gripped his wrist tightly, preventing him from leaving. “Don’t go.” She whispered.

He didn’t look at her, didn’t turn around to face her, and his voice didn’t soften when he finally said something that broke the silence. “Why shouldn’t I?”

“I… I like you,” Yuka muttered in a small voice, her tone shaking.

He snorted. “No, you don’t.” Takumi said, somewhat in a bitter tone, still not facing her. “It’s not me that you like. Perhaps you think you do, but really, you don’t. At least not that way. Besides, what about him?”

Yuka stared up at him. “Him? Kaidoh is not the—“ Yuka started, but Takumi turned around to face her and cut her.

“I’m not talking about that weirdo. I’m talking about Keitarou. What is Keitarou to you?” He looked at her expectantly, keeping their gazes locked, a slight frown forming between his eyebrows.

Yuka opened her mouth to say something, but no sound came out, and Yuka thought Takumi might have seen the doubt in her eyes, for he just sighed and looked away from her. Yuka closed her mouth and lowered her eyes to the ground, releasing her grip on his wrist.

“I guessed as much anyway.” He said to no one in particular, sighed for what seemed like the umpteenth time and started to walk away from her.

She didn’t think, didn’t want to think, and let her instinct do the thinking. She ran after him and hugged his waist from behind, effectively halting him in his track. “Don’t go.” She whispered again, closing her eyes and pressing her face into his back. “Please, just don’t go. I need you. I need you. _I need you_.” She could feel him stiffen, and he was tense, really tense—she could feel it from the constricted muscles on his back, from the way he was trying to control his breath—but he didn’t shrug her away. “Please…”

“Why me?” He asked, not in exasperation, not in anger, not in impatient manner, but rather, it was said in a plain tone, like he was tired, or didn’t really care about the answer.

Yuka opened her eyes, pondering on it for a second. “Because I think we’re similar in so many ways.”

He snorted. “No, I don’t think so.”

“Like the fact that we’re both Orphenoches that are afraid of human, for once, or the fact that we _used_ to have nowhere to go back to.” She replied, slowly, carefully, deliberately. They both knew she wasn’t talking about Keitarou’s or Yuji’s place, and from the way his muscles seemed to stiffen even more, she knew she had hit spot on.

“You don’t know anything about me,” He said defensively, trying to shake her away, but she held on.

“Maybe you’re right; I don’t know anything about you.” She said softly. ”but at least I know what I said was right. I could see it in your eyes from that time we talked in the forest after you saved me from Kaixa.”

“You don’t know _anything_.” He repeated, firmly this time, and she realized it was her cue to back off. She didn’t.

“Then why don’t you tell me?”

Just then, he abruptly grabbed her hands, spun around and not-so-gently shoved her a little on the shoulder. The force made her stumble backwards, just enough to give them some space but not enough to make her fall. “It’s not your business,”

_But you told him. You allowed Yuji to know. What makes him different from me?_

Yuka bit the inside of her lower lip to prevent herself from saying it out loud, and just watched in silence as he walked away from her, not once did he ever look back.

*

Just like a red balloon that get stuck on a branch; it couldn’t fall, because all hydrogen inside of it had given it a privilege to fly up and it would keep making it to go up, up, up above and defying all gravity, but it also couldn’t fly, because it was stuck, accidentally tied to a branch, unable to free itself, just waiting for someone or something to help it.

When Yuka saw Keitarou again, his eyes looking straight at her and only her, she felt stuck—just like that red balloon, unable to go down, but too scared to go up.

Takumi’s words replaying themselves in her mind: _Don’t run away again. Face it, you love him. And it makes you afraid of him, avoiding him. I won’t pretend to know how you feel, because I don’t. But I know it when someone tries to delude themselves, because I’d been there. It’s not because you’re afraid of hurting him, it’s more because you’re afraid of being hurt._

Keitarou took a step forward.

Yuka unconsciously stepped backwards. He looked almost hurt, confused, and Yuka instantly felt guilty. She willed herself to move, to take a step forward, to get closer to him, but her body refused to move. _He won’t hurt you. Just try to get to him. He won’t hurt you he won’t hurt you he won’t hurt you, dammit!_ She desperately chanted to herself—to no avail.

“Yuka…”

She looked up. He seemed worried. “Yuka, are you okay? You seem a bit pale…” He said worriedly, stepping forward and reaching out a hand towards her. She involuntarily flinched and took a step backward, just out of reach—surprising even herself for doing so, and his hand froze in mid-air.

“Ah, I... I mean, I – I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to—“ She started to panic, and when she looked at him, he seemed to be too stunned to do anything other than stared at her, a stricken look on his face.

She ran away from him.

*

“You’re afraid,” Takumi remarked suddenly.

“What?”

“You’re afraid that it would work out just fine, maybe even too well.”

Yuka stared at him, puzzled. “What are you talking about?”

“You. And Keitarou. Together. You never give him a chance to get close to you, even though it is really obvious that he is head over heels over you. It’s not because you thought it wouldn’t work; you keep avoiding him because you know it would work out just fine, and you’re afraid of the prospect of being happy together with him.” Takumi concluded, wide eyed, looking at her. He snorted in disbelief. “I can’t believe you.”

Yuka looked away. “That’s not true,” She mumbled.

“The hell it’s not! You said to me you wanted to love and be loved, just like ordinary human. Was that a lie?”

“It wasn’t a lie.” Yuka replied hesitantly. “It wasn’t. I do want to feel what it’s like to be an _ordinary_ human.” She left it at that, not elaborating what she really meant by that sentence and Takumi didn’t probe her further even though she could see he seemed to be intrigued by it.

“Look, I won’t hold anything back now, so just let me get this straight: you’re a coward.” Takumi stated blandly without any malice in his voice, and Yuka looked up at him, surprised.

“Don’t run away again. Face it, you love him. And it makes you afraid of him, avoiding him. I won’t pretend to know how you feel, because I don’t. But I know it when someone tries to delude themselves, because I’d been there. It’s not because you’re afraid of hurting him, it’s more because you’re afraid of being hurt.” He said it all in somewhat a softer version of his usual unfriendly manner, and Yuka wondered if he talked like that only when he was with her.

Yuka didn’t say anything though, just listening to him intently, her eyes still trained on his face.

“You love him, he loves you, and you know it but you choose to run from him because you know _he wouldn’t ever try to hurt you._ You push him because you don’t know what to do next, don’t you? Because this is something you have no experience of, the feeling of being wanted by someone, and you’re _afraid._ ”

“I’m not afraid. You’re being absurd. Besides, why would I be afraid of something like that?” Yuka tried to talk back, trying not to show him how he was right, trying not to show how him how her lungs tightened painfully at his words, but he only looked at her with a frown between his eyebrows.

“You tell me.”

And she flinched.

Takumi sighed.

*

It was a busy street; people passed by in hurried steps, cars lining up the whole street. A dull grey hue clouding the sky, a sign the sun had almost set.

From where she was standing, Yuka could clearly see a black-haired young man with a back pack standing just beside a lamp post, his eyes scanning the crowd for something, or rather, for someone. She just stood there idly, watching him, waiting for him to notice her and not minding people passing her. He seemed so anxious, so restless, and he kept fidgeting with the hem of his jacket.

Yuka still didn’t do anything. But when he suddenly—finally—turned into her direction, looking right at her as if he had sensed her there, she held her breath. Time seemed to still between them, while people seemed to pass by in flashes and lightning speed. Neither one of them moved, nor took their eyes off the other’s.

Yuka knew she had to make the first move, because it was her that ran away from him the last time they met. It was her that unintentionally flinched at his touch. It was her that didn’t quite meet his eyes. It was her that made everything seemed so complicated.

She took a deep breath and closed her eyes for a second before opening them again, looking straight at him with a determination in her eyes, and forced her feet to move, to make a step forward toward him. And then another. And another. And another one, before she stopped and eyed him warily, for Keitarou hadn’t made a move at all and seemed to be frozen in his place, his hands hanging limply in his sides, watching her uncertainly.

It’s okay, now. Yuka wanted to say. _It’s okay. I’m okay._

She lowered her head and continued to step forward, anxious in every step, until she was just a step away from him. She looked up, only to found he was watching her, his lips parted, a slight frown marring his forehead.

“Yuka…?” his voice sounded so unsure that Yuka realized Keitarou was a little nervous of her too, afraid that she was going to run from him again.

Yuka smiled at him.

Keitarou smiled back, if a bit hesitantly.

She reached out her hand and took his hand in hers, their fingers intertwined, and with her other hand she touched his cheek, their eyes locked.

“Yuka…”

“I’m sorry.” Yuka said softly, and she could see the smile in his eyes. Then, gathering her courage, she took a step forward, closing the distance between them and standing on her tiptoes, she pressed her lips softly to his, just the briefest touch that lasted only a second that felt like an eternity to her. Then, just as she was about to pull back, Keitarou suddenly pulled her closer and kissed her back.

*

Her heart beating furiously inside her chest that she was sure Keitarou must have heard it too.

The strange thing was, when Keitarou kissed her, all she could see in the back of her eyes when she closed them was the very picture of Yuji kissing Takumi that day.

Was this how Takumi felt when Yuuji kissed him? Was this a feeling that he couldn’t get from another person other than Yuji? Feeling safe and protected and everything was right in the world for once? Feeling like she could be anything she wanted when she was with him? Feeling like you were free, like you were above the clouds and none could touch you there?

She felt like flying.

*

She was a bird with wings that couldn’t fly, but Keitarou made her fly without even giving her any wings.

And she thought she couldn’t be any happier.

*

fin

 

A/N: Thank you so much for giving this fic a chance! Um, tell me what you think?  



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